The Journey

I saw darkness

Surrounding and suffocating

A heavy burden I carried

The weight kept me on my knees

My voice would not emerge

I felt hopeless and faint

My thoughts began to race

To the first time I played with fire

To that first time I allowed darkness to enter my life

I thought of the happiness I felt

The popularity

The desires fulfilled

The freedom to do anything under the sun

Then I remembered the sense of loss

The sadness hidden behind a smiling mask

I remembered the cutting words whispered by the walls

The voices in my head telling me I’m no good

I remembered the agony of rejection

The overwhelming desire to end it all

I remembered the freedom that turned to chains

Those heavy chains I could not break

What happened? How did I get here?

To this place of hopelessness

To this place of despair

“Why do I have breath?”

Sorrow fills my heart

Rivers flow from my eyes

Alone

Stuck

Help!

Everything inside cries out

My lips utter a name I have heard before

A name I knew as a child

I cry out to a God I am not sure exists

To a God I do not know

Suddenly a ray of light penetrate my darkness

It Grows until I see I am kneeling at the foot of a cross

Blood flowing down

I look up and see a man hanging

Pain creases his face

He looks at me

I feel naked under his penetrating eyes

Somehow He knows all I have done

Shame washes over me and my eyes begin to lower

A soft wind blows and I hear a whisper caress me

“Daughter, I have died for you.”

“You are now made holy without a single fault.”

“I have delivered you from your burdens and have turned your darkness to light.”

“No more will your heart be filled with sorrow, but with my joy everlasting.”

“Your past is forgiven, your present bright, your future secure.”

No sooner had the man spoken when my burden fell off my back

My heart filled with unspeakable joy

The darkness around vanished and light engulfed me

Hopelessness was replaced by purpose

Agitated thoughts melted leaving peace

I jumped to my feet and looked to where the man hung

Surely He is the source of all these emotions

But I did not see a bloody, disfigured being

Instead, there before me was a man dressed in white

With the scars of nails on his hands and feet

Light was flowing out of Him

Destroying darkness in its path

There standing before me

The source of triumph

The source of life

The source of my very existence

Was the man Jesus Christ

He called me and changed me

Making me his own

I belong to the Master who causes the blind to see

The deaf to hear

He calmed the storm that was raging

He lifted me from despair

I fell in thanksgiving before my Savior

He smiled at my adoration

Lifting me to my feet he said

“Come. There is much to do.”

“Love as I have loved you”

“Forgive as I have forgiven you”

With that I was given a task

I was given a goal

To spread the Maker’s Love

Wherever I go