The Roller Coaster

In the darkness of my valley Where were you? In the sorrow of my soul Where were you? In the unheard cries of my heart Where were you? In the despair and struggle for comprehension Where were you? I cried to you with all that I had I hoped in the one I knew could save I banked on the arm not too short to save But where were you? Where did you go? The demons torment me Yet rescue did not come Darkness engulfed me Yet your light did not shine Where are you? My heart cries out Where are you? My soul weeps within me You have always been faithful and true Promises you never broke Always providing always caring Never failing your love endures But where were you? When I needed you the most Where were you? I dont understand this storm I am in I dont understand my hope put to shame I dont understand how your promises could be fulfilled I dont understand I dont understand I grasp for comfort Search for love Yearn fo...

I saw darkness Surrounding and suffocating A heavy burden I carried The weight kept me on my knees My voice would not emerge I felt hopeless and faint My thoughts began to race To the first time I played with fire To that first time I allowed darkness to enter my life I thought of the happiness I felt The popularity The desires fulfilled The freedom to do anything under the sun Then I remembered the sense of loss The sadness hidden behind a smiling mask I remembered the cutting words whispered by the walls The voices in my head telling me I’m no good I remembered the agony of rejection The overwhelming desire to end it all I remembered the freedom that turned to chains Those heavy chains I could not break What happened? How did I get here? To this place of hopelessness To this place of despair “Why do I have breath?” Sorrow fills my heart Rivers flow from my eyes Alone Stuck Help! Everything inside cries out My lips utter a...

I see the world through frosted glass Oblivious to the dangers around A little child with eyes of trust Arms stretched and open wide Seeing, hearing, touching, tasting My senses tingling with pleasure All I taste is sweet All I see desirable All I smell pleasant Don't wake me from my dream The Utopia of my world I have heard of the world behind frosted glass Pain Sorrow Grief Despair I want no part! Leave me safe inside these walls I have no desire to emerge! A little child I want to be Forever more Contented I lived Lacking nothing Wanting nothing Needing nothing But you were not content You took a weight and shook my walls Again and again But my refuge remained intact I was safe behind frosted glass Stubbornly you persisted Wanting me to taste your pain Your sorrow Your grief Frosted glass shattered My walls finally fell I lie awake in the darkness Fearful of the monsters that lurk in the unknown Truth a...

I can barely breathe Tears roll down my cheeks Unanswered questions Unmet expectations Dashed hopes All leave me senseless Words you spoke haunt me Save me! The darkness is closing in Save me! The fire is burning Save me! I am drowning Drowning in sorrow My strength is drained My resolve is weak My voice is mute Help me! As I face the giant before me Help me! As I struggle to stand Help me! To know that I am not alone I am not alone I cannot do this on my own A rag doll slumped in the corner Pick me up Hold me tight Protect me in your arms Want me  Fill me with joy Pick me! Out of all the toys in the store Pick me! Breathe life into me! I will dance  I will sing for you Call me by name Make me yours Forever You have bought me with a price I am yours I am yours You have picked me!

I sit slumped on the shelf staring out into the street I glance at my left and envy the perfect body of the Barbie I glance to my right and admire the talkative teddy He speaks words of love to everybody I catch my reflection on the bumper of the fire engine across me My electric red hair is array A half painted smile is on my face My huge eyes are framed by 4 lashes My body is limp and without form A small heart is painted on my chest I  have no voice to reveal whats in my heart I have no special features Just myself I stare out the window my heart bursting with desire Desire to be picked, out of all the shiny, beauty around me Out of all the cuddly toys To be loved as myself Not having to change I wait Day in and day out Sunrise to sunset I wait for the day excitement will cross a face She will grab me from the shelf and hold me tight against her heart Not wanting to let go she will take me home Part of her life i will live A...

Dear Lord, Help me When the pain is crushing And the tears threaten to spill  When rage and jealousy consumes me Quiet me with your love Do not allow hatred to destroy me And take residence in my heart Help me to see beyond my pain To what you are doing Give me your eyes to see my circumstances The fire that is refining me Though painful, will make me pure Though i feel as if i cannot go on When waves of doubt and fear threaten to drown me Help me to know that you will not leave me in my weakness That in my weakness you are my strength I am not alone Your hand is ready to grasp mine Your strong arm is not too short to save You are carrying me through this storm Help me to be secure in your love for me Secure in my identity in you Help me to love those who crush me To show kindness and compassion To those who plot my downfall Help me to walk in your light Allow me to experience your love To know without a doubt Your a...

I go through the cyclic routine of life Deaf to beauty, blind to wonder I do what I must, thirsting for so much more I yearn for your hand to reach through the abyss of time To turn my world right-side up I crave for your reality, your Kairos moments Open heaven and come bursting forth Riding a chariot of clouds Sunlight emanating from the golden strands of your hair Eyes piercing like fire Voice shaking oceans, leveling mountains Come and ruin me Cause me to fall to my knees Upset the daily grind I am caught in Bring my rat race to a stop Unlock my ears, unveil my eyes Unfold the plans you have for me Show me beauty, leave me in awe I want to walk in your path Walk in your reality Come